


touch; i remember touch

by mortarsmayfall



Category: Blade Runner (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon typical character death, Character Study, M/M, Unrequited Love, contains spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 06:46:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12451839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mortarsmayfall/pseuds/mortarsmayfall
Summary: This man is not his father.Somewhere, deep inside his bones, K always knew this.





	touch; i remember touch

This man is not his father. 

Somewhere, deep inside his bones, K always knew this. 

He _wanted._ He wanted to be special. To be loved. To be something -- something other than KD6-3.7, officer of the LAPD, replicant. Because if he could be special he could be something more than _this,_ more than a _skinjob,_ something sewn up in a lab for one purpose, no childhood, no meaning. 

Replicants are organic, but K finds himself fantasizing about rending himself open, finding an automoton heart rattling around in a carbon-fibre cage. 

\--

He kills himself to save Deckard, who is not his father. 

Typical. 

\--

K has lived a good while longer than most replicants before his time. He considers himself stable, well-adjusted for a model of his age. He was given longer than most of the earlier ones to navigate empathy and emotion and for that he's grateful -- grateful because his rebellion was calm, cold -- not the wild-eyed mania of the old ones they hunted down. 

When he holds Luv under the water, he feels cold. 

When she doesn't come back up, he feels nothing. 

\--

Deckard is warm. He's warm when he pulls K from the waters and K realizes distantly, _oh, that hurts. _His side twists unpleasantly and he folds into Deckard like it's only natural.__

__"Feel heavy," K says, and Deckard strips off K's waterlogged jacket, rubs his hands between his worn palms._ _

__"You have hypothermia," Deckard says. His hands are warm._ _

__K knows what he feels toward Deckard is not what one would feel toward his father, and likely never was. He brings a hand up to the side of Deckard's face, feels the weathered skin of his cheek, the scratch of grey-white stubble. He kisses Deckard, weak, just a brush of the lips, but he can't deny there's a difference._ _

__Deckard freezes. Pushes K away, murmurs, "kid," like he has something to tell him off about but he never gets to it. It hangs in the salty air like a curse._ _

__K wishes he wouldn't call him that._ _

__\--_ _

__Deckard is the first (and last) human he kisses._ _

__K's bleeding out and he knows this is the end of the line. He's had close calls before and replicant healing has had its benefits but this wound's too deep, far too deep to heal on its own. Every mile driven is more of his remaining time lit on fire but there's never been any meaning to anything he's done so why would he mind wasting it on Deckard?_ _

__They make it to the institution and K bids Deckard goodbye. The latter doesn't know it means forever. He disappears in those same glass doors K went through earlier and doesn't come back._ _

__K shambles to those same steps. He can feel his lifeblood soaking through his shirt. Each step feels heavier than the last. It takes what feels like a lifetime to reach those stairs. He lies down on them and looks at the sky, watches the snow drift onto his palms and dissolve._ _

__He wonders if Deckard will take him apart when he finds him, find the puppet heart he has no doubt resides in his chest._ _

__Deckard is alive, Deckard has a legacy. People who care for him and vice versa. Deckard is past, present, and future._ _

__Yes, K thinks as he shuts his eyes, there are worse things to waste your time on._ _

**Author's Note:**

> me: man i sure wish br2049 was gayer 
> 
> the little demon living on my shoulder: deckard/k after k figures out deckard's not actually his dad you fucking coward. do it
> 
> me, sighing and opening up a new word doc: ohhhh noooo guess i gottaaaaaaa


End file.
